Is That A Huge Cloth Brick In Your Pants Or Is It 1970?

Ugh! Adolescent embarrassment! Sadly I was not introduced to tampons until my junior year in high school. As an athlete it was horribly emotionally painful as the disaster of a lifetime had potential to occur to me in any moment. While my friends would grab a minute cigar shaped white paper wrapped tampon from their lockers and slide it into their long sleeve sweaters and button down shirts, I wrestled with a monstrous white pad and tried to shove it into my brown lunch bag.

Embarrassing moments didn't just happen to girls in junior high and high school. I remember a few years ago a man I knew was complaining about how good the boys of today have it. He pointed out to me that they don't have to tuck their shirts in. Those longer untucked shirt ends nicely cover any spontaneous and uncontrollable arousal that torments adolescent boys. This man had to rely on a handful of books and the kindness of male friends to hide behind to get through his secondary schools days.

For adults, we need some good opportunities to reflect on our sexual development. Many adults did not get any dialogue or accurate information about the biology of their bodies or the emotional components of healthy sexuality. Even when our parents attempted to help us out, we may have been too embarrassed to engage in the "Birds and the Bees" conversation.

When I was in sixth grade one such episode occurred for me. We were coming back from vacation. My brother and I always got along really well. During this trip he and I were having an exceptionally hilarious car ride home. When we parked in the driveway my brother and I raced out of the car to the front door. Oddly the outer door was opened a bit. We looked and inside was a big brown paper covered box. Of course we were intrigued. We pulled out the package and saw that it was for me! It wasn't my birthday. It wasn't any holiday I could think of in which I should be getting a present, and a huge square one at that! As my brother and I talked through the options of who it could be from, finally concluding it must be from my Godmother, Aunt Muriel, my mother made it to the door and quickly unlocked the inner door. With my awesome surprise present in one hand and grabbing at my brother's arm with the other, we started to bolt up the stairs intent on getting to my room. We would tear open the paper there and oooo and ahhhhhh over what was inside this box.


My mother stopped us short and insisted that I would prefer to open the box myself...alone. I fought back with her. I pleaded my case to share the gift with my brother. Nothing worked. My brother was sent to his room, me and my box were sent to mine. Disappointed and confused I opened it up alone. I was shocked, insulted, ashamed, and furious about what was inside! It was a beginners menstruation kit. What kind of people would make such a thing? How could my mother have bough this for me?

The uncomfortableness of the product, combined with the humiliation of getting excited about some fabulous gift with my brother was overwhelming. My mother came into my room and attempted to discuss the contents of the box. Of course I yelled at her and threw the box to the floor. She suggested that I may want to look at it thoroughly at a later time. I never did.

We each have many stories about our budding and blossoming sexuality. Some stories are not of opening up but rather shutting down and repressing. All of our sensual and sexual experiences, no matter how old we are today, have impacted how we feel about our sexuality, remembering that the term "sexuality" covers a very large table of content! 

To begin the fun, reflective, challenging, and honest dialogue with ourselves about our sexuality we must first begin to look at what influences and experiences happened to us and with us. Some we can laugh at, some we still may feel sick to our stomachs about, some we may still be hiding, and others we may happily and eagerly remember.

Here's to our journey to be our authentic healthy and exploratory sexual selves!