Sensuality

Just a title that cuts to the quick on this subject.

One of the things that we are doing to ourselves and to our blossoming children is omitting sensuality. Oddly, we take away the very core of healthy sexuality.

The thought that comes to mind on this subject is the result of a survey that I read years ago. It was a survey of people after they participated in a taste test between a real blueberry pie and an artificially flavored blueberry pie. I was astonished and insulted to read the results; the artificial blueberry pie won the flavor contest hands down.

How is that even possible?! There was little to no real blueberry flavor in the pie, so how could it win a blueberry pie tasting contest? It wasn't actually blueberry!  How bizarre that a chemically created "blueberry" could taste better than an actual blueberry? Poor real fruit grown normally...I feel your pain.

What other organically authentic sensual experiences are we excluding from society?

I worked in a nursing home for years. Talk about an artificial experience and  lack of sensuality! It would have been a hermetically sealed environment had they not allowed oxygen in!  It took me five months of arguing with my supervisor in order for her to allow me to take residents outside for walks in the fresh air. I felt as if I was suffocating with all the clogged pores and regulated building temperatures. I wondered how all the dust that was floating around the rooms ever left the building. I could see all the residents coated in artificial existence. They needed to sweat. I needed to sweat. So I would take a few of them out every day during my breaks and lunch hour. I took them on one on one walks down into the wooded areas and back up the steep hill. Pushing the more, shall we say, Rubenesque residents up the steep hill in their wheelchairs during the hot summer days was taxing. More than once I thought I was nuts, however when I saw sweat pushing out past the layers of archived must in their faces, I was super-charged like a superhero to keep going in that moment and beyond.

We have to feel life, taste life, smell life, and be charged by life. Life force pulses and radiates in real blueberries, through real air and natural sunlight.

We hear life, engage in life, and are thrown to and fro in the waves of it.

Sure, I can use mapquest to get directions and, while efficient, it misses the sensual interactions of asking a person. I will never forget the most sensual direction asking experience of my life...so far, anyway.  I was driving in Haymarket Square in Boston looking for a parking spot. My mother was in the front passenger seat and my two daughters were in the back. I could not remember where the closest legal parking was, so I stopped and asked some cab drivers who were waiting on the side of the road near the market place. One happily approached the front passenger window of my car. He was incredibly friendly and helpful talking away and showing the route with his hands. My mother's head was turned towards him and I was leaning forward looking past the back of her head to talk to him and get the directions. Slowly, while he was still talking, my mother turned her head to face me. She looked straight at me, face held stoically. There on one lens of her big 1980s eye glasses was a chunk of chewed bagel. While our very helpful cab driver was telling us directions, he accidentally shot a piece of his breakfast out of his mouth and on to my mother's glasses! I started shaking as I attempted to hold in a full blown laughing fit.

Just think about it...plugging an address into a GPS to get somewhere or experiencing fresh air, the noises of life, and a half chewed bagel hitting your eye glasses on the journey to get somewhere.


How sensually "real" is your life? What are you experiencing in your life that touches all of your senses? What makes your hair stand on end? What causes you to sweat? What happens inside your mouth when you eat spicy or sweet or salty or sour? Can you smell something that sends tingling reactions throughout your body? When you look at a burning sunset, do you see the colors and feel them washing over you as the sun disappears beyond the ocean horizon? Can you laugh so hard that you fall to the ground from weakness? Have you ever cried so hard that you thought for sure you disappeared into the blankets of your bed? And have you slowed down a kiss with your lover long enough that you felt, through the softness of the gently touching lips, the ecstasy of a shared sensual lifetime to come?

Choose real blueberries in real blueberry pie, the sweating intensity of an uphill climb in the sun, and smeared cream cheese and everything bagel on your mother's eye glasses, for a sensual life.Once we begin to meld into the ever flowing energy waves of sensual experiences, our ability to share this expansive pleasuring world with our lover will be automatic.

Sensuality. Live it.

And speaking of...

ORGASMS...

I remember checking out the Wilhelm Reich Museum in Rangeley Maine one summer. I knew very little about Reich at that time, but enough to know that he was an unconventional scientist of interest. We entered the museum and had to attend a guided tour. There were two of us and that was the extent of the participants. The tour began with a brief video about Reich. We sat in metal folding chairs as our guide started the video. She sat beside it to the right, in perfect view of us and us to her. The choppy low budget film told me what I did not know about Reich as this 70+ year old woman sat observing me. Reich believed that the key to health was the human orgasm. He also believed that the orgasm was a manifestation of a universal energy source and he named that energy source Orgonon. Reich wanted to harness this energy source and use it to help the human race. The Orgone Accumulator was a box he invented that could accumulate Orgonon energy. Patients would sit in the Orgone Accumulator and be saturated with Orgonon energy. Reich believed that this life force energy that he argued was found everywhere could heal many human ailments.

Now that was not something I expected to learn as a 70 year old woman sat confidently, calmly, and at the ready to answer all my questions about the power of orgasms on that hot August day.

There is a lot more fun information in the subject of orgasm Orgonon energy and the Orgone Accumulator, so feel free to search the web. One site is http://inventors.about.com/od/qrstartinventors/a/orgone.htm.

Then we have Napoleon Hill, one of my brilliant mentors. He wrote about Sex Transmutation.

By holding on to the sexual energy and not having an orgasm, according to Hill, one can use that powerful sexual energy to make positive things manifest in one's life. My favorite part of this YouTube selection on Sex Mutation, and there were a few to choose from, is from the comment section:

This comment had 12 likes -

• tylus17 2 years ago

  To the woman in in this vid: thanks for sharing your insight on this subject as well as embedding a sexual desire for your body in my mind i can now draw from to sexually transmute with a great burning passion into my definite purpose. Your body and mind got me fired up i might make a million dollars this week.
  
  

  oddiemonsta 2 years ago

  Thanks tits
  

  · 6 likes

  
  

  Delorian82 8 months ago

  I will transmute her boobs into my assignment.
  
  Shockingly that last comment did not get any like hits...hhhmmm....
  
  Another sexual energy is known as Kundalini.
  

  I experienced spontaneous Kundalini starting in college. I had no idea what it was and I was frightened and confused. Growing up as a Catholic and sneaking off to see the Exorcist at the movies contributed greatly to my belief that something crazy was going on inside me. I also was enjoying the Wednesday to Sunday long weekend fun at a few local bars at that time and suspected that my drinking was affecting my central nervous system.
  
  So although I started today's blog on orgasms, the underlying energy of orgasms or choosing not to have orgasms is where we ended up. The extensive topic of orgasms will continue in following blogs. Just like with every other sexual and sensual topic of today, there is so much more to discover, discuss, and think about. What might you do with the sex energy that flows throughout you and perhaps the Universe?
  
  Make a million dollars? If so, I expect to hear, in the famous words of the video commentator oddiemonsta, "Thanks tits."
  

  

Um, Marvin, If I May...

Ahhh..this song brings back such great college memories. There were not too many songs that were sexier than this one back in the day. I think I danced erotically to this song in my dorm room preparing to go out more than I did with potential partners on the dance floor. (and that was both a magnificent feat and a committed danger as I was using a curling iron for my hair while getting ready!)

My memory of dancing alone in a state of anticipated ecstasy is ironic relative to the last segment of the song:

"And when I get this feeling  
I need sexual healing
Ohh, when I get this feeling  
I need sexual healing
I gotta have sexual healing, darling  
'Cos I'm all alone  
And I need sexual healing, darling  
Till you come back home

Please don't procrastinate
It's not good to masturbate "


And here is where I must differ with my dear friend Marvin Gaye...

It is AWESOME to MASTURBATE!

Some of us may remember The Seinfeld episode called The Contest. According to the website ANSWERS:
"The episode was controversial when broadcasted because NBC thought that masturbation was not a topic suitable for prime time television. As a result, the word "masturbation" is never used in the episode. Instead, the subject is described using a series of euphemisms, while the meaning of the subject is still made clear to the audience.^[2] The writer of the episode, Larry David, won the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Individual Achievement in Writing in a Comedy Series for his work on the episode.^[3] One euphemism used in the episode is "master of my domain", said by a character when still in the contest. It has become a catchphrase in popular culture, although it is not always used in reference to masturbation.^[4][5]
The episode was ranked #1 on TV Guide's list of "TV's Top 100 Episodes of All Time".^[6]"

Read more: http://www.answers.com/topic/the-contest-3#ixzz2LbT1uEh9

I was very surprised when a woman in my office was so vocal about how disgusting she thought the show was as well as how gross masturbation was. I asked her if she would rather have her middle school aged daughter out somewhere having sex with someone and put herself in any jeopardy of her health or have her daughter safe at home masturbating in the privacy of her own room. She firmly responded that she did not want her daughter to masturbate. I attempted to educate this woman about the wonderful aspects of people discovering what they like and don't like sexually, where their highest sexual arousal areas are, and the safety factors of erotic self discovery. She wanted no part in the discussion. She continued to claim that masturbation was disgusting. Finally, after much gentle questioning., she told me it was disgusting because she didn't like the idea that she could shake someone's hand after they had masturbated.

Number one question from youth when the class starts talking about masturbating: "Should we wash our hands before masturbating?" to which I always answer, "Yes." In respect of my old co-worker's fears, I also make it clear that hands should always be well washed after masturbating as well.

It is interesting that women especially have difficulty touching their genital area. If we don't support and encourage masturbation for girls we will perpetuate a pattern of women giving up their power to others. Women have a wonderful smorgasbord of erotic potential between anal, vaginal, and clitoral stimulation. What healthy, sexual, confident women would be sent into the world of relationships if they all hand their hands on a triple pleasure toy in their teenage and young adult years! 

We don't talk to our youth and young adults, they get bombarded with disempowering sexual escapades in the media, and then they fumble around in pairs and groups turning their sexual maturity over to others. I say become a masturbation specialist and then go exploring with others. Know where your biology is, what it does, and what it feels like when many different senses are introduced to these areas. 

Many men miss out on the wonderful and highly satisfying experience of anal arousal and orgasms because so much focus is culturally put on the performance of the penis and the penis orgasm.Having their prostrates stimulated can have life long health benefits for men. 

There are also potential nipple orgasms for both men and women. 

Some people get highly aroused yet do not have one big earth shattering orgasm. Others have spasming sexual intensity rushing over them for hours if given the time. Everyone can enjoy a very exciting, healthy, and successful sexual healing through the very good art of masturbation. 

Google around the web and learn more about the great toys available and the important health benefits to masturbation and arousal. Masturbation is a very low risk sexual behavior. 

So move over Marvin...there are plenty of classic masturbation songs...it is all good...Self Love is an excellent form of sexual healing...

Is That A Huge Cloth Brick In Your Pants Or Is It 1970?

Ugh! Adolescent embarrassment! Sadly I was not introduced to tampons until my junior year in high school. As an athlete it was horribly emotionally painful as the disaster of a lifetime had potential to occur to me in any moment. While my friends would grab a minute cigar shaped white paper wrapped tampon from their lockers and slide it into their long sleeve sweaters and button down shirts, I wrestled with a monstrous white pad and tried to shove it into my brown lunch bag.

Embarrassing moments didn't just happen to girls in junior high and high school. I remember a few years ago a man I knew was complaining about how good the boys of today have it. He pointed out to me that they don't have to tuck their shirts in. Those longer untucked shirt ends nicely cover any spontaneous and uncontrollable arousal that torments adolescent boys. This man had to rely on a handful of books and the kindness of male friends to hide behind to get through his secondary schools days.

For adults, we need some good opportunities to reflect on our sexual development. Many adults did not get any dialogue or accurate information about the biology of their bodies or the emotional components of healthy sexuality. Even when our parents attempted to help us out, we may have been too embarrassed to engage in the "Birds and the Bees" conversation.

When I was in sixth grade one such episode occurred for me. We were coming back from vacation. My brother and I always got along really well. During this trip he and I were having an exceptionally hilarious car ride home. When we parked in the driveway my brother and I raced out of the car to the front door. Oddly the outer door was opened a bit. We looked and inside was a big brown paper covered box. Of course we were intrigued. We pulled out the package and saw that it was for me! It wasn't my birthday. It wasn't any holiday I could think of in which I should be getting a present, and a huge square one at that! As my brother and I talked through the options of who it could be from, finally concluding it must be from my Godmother, Aunt Muriel, my mother made it to the door and quickly unlocked the inner door. With my awesome surprise present in one hand and grabbing at my brother's arm with the other, we started to bolt up the stairs intent on getting to my room. We would tear open the paper there and oooo and ahhhhhh over what was inside this box.


My mother stopped us short and insisted that I would prefer to open the box myself...alone. I fought back with her. I pleaded my case to share the gift with my brother. Nothing worked. My brother was sent to his room, me and my box were sent to mine. Disappointed and confused I opened it up alone. I was shocked, insulted, ashamed, and furious about what was inside! It was a beginners menstruation kit. What kind of people would make such a thing? How could my mother have bough this for me?

The uncomfortableness of the product, combined with the humiliation of getting excited about some fabulous gift with my brother was overwhelming. My mother came into my room and attempted to discuss the contents of the box. Of course I yelled at her and threw the box to the floor. She suggested that I may want to look at it thoroughly at a later time. I never did.

We each have many stories about our budding and blossoming sexuality. Some stories are not of opening up but rather shutting down and repressing. All of our sensual and sexual experiences, no matter how old we are today, have impacted how we feel about our sexuality, remembering that the term "sexuality" covers a very large table of content! 

To begin the fun, reflective, challenging, and honest dialogue with ourselves about our sexuality we must first begin to look at what influences and experiences happened to us and with us. Some we can laugh at, some we still may feel sick to our stomachs about, some we may still be hiding, and others we may happily and eagerly remember.

Here's to our journey to be our authentic healthy and exploratory sexual selves!

Is That a New Name For It?

At the University of Amherst in 1982 and 1983 I was a Peer Sexuality Educator. I had gone through two semesters of training and was ready to support my peers relative to their exploration of healthy sexuality. It was during this time that both the source of cold sores was revealed and HIV and AIDS. It was a busy and shocking time to be learning and educating college students about sex and sexuality. I was also a very interesting character to be someone who was attempting to do as as I was raised Catholic, attended a Catholic elementary school and pledged to not have intercourse until I was married. I also has begged God during sixth grade in many promising prayer sessions to not give me my period. I vowed to God that if he did not give me my period then I would become a nun. I am not a nun.


Skip to many years later as a youth adviser and sexuality educator for youth. I have spent countless hours looking up answers to anonymous questions placed in the question box, dealing with youth's anxiety ridden gender orientation concerns, and educating parents so that they can be the primary educators of healthy sexuality for their children.

Comfortably exploring sexuality is an invaluable choice of using one's time, attention, and money. All humans have some form of sexuality and the diversity of sexual interests, desires, and norms vary greatly. The most important aspect of sexuality education from my perspective is to focus on the openness to discussion, learning, and appropriate experiences that people must have in their lives. Repressing sexual energy can cause many unhealthy issues in the body, mind, and spirit. Shame, embarrassment, and lack of validation as a sexual being can really limit the fullness of our life experience. This blog is about sharing information and having fun while doing it to offer you a sense of normalcy to sexuality in your life.

Sexuality topics and information is every changing, just like most other aspects of the human life experience. It is important for me as an educator to stay on top of the latest medical information, fads, and language. In the curriculum of one of the youth sexual education programs that I have facilitated there is an activity in which the boys and girls are divided into groups by gender. They are given markers and poster paper to list all of the names and terms for parts of the male and female genitalia and female breasts. Most names have been around since I was young, and then there are some new ones and a few real doozies!

When my daughters were in high school and college I would ask them to keep me in the loop of any new sexual terms. I wanted to stay as "hip" as I could on the slang end of the sexual revolution. They always had the freedom to speak about sexual topics with me and I noted all the evolving ideas and words, sometimes needing to ask them for clarity. While sexuality education can be very serious business, it also can be quite hilarious.

One Saturday I was visiting my oldest daughter in Amherst while she was in college at UMass. We did our fall excursion to Atkins Farm and grabbed a dozen apple cider donuts. We left the farm and we were cruising back to campus, an apple cider doughnut in each of our hands, when I stopped for gas. I tossed my purse over on to my daughter's lap as I opened the door to pump the gas.

"Mom!" she exclaimed, rather annoyed, "you put your purse on my doughnut!"

I stopped for a moment and noted this information. Then I responded. "Oh, is that a new name for it?"

She looked at me blankly.

"For vagina" I clarified. "Are you guys calling a vagina a doughnut now?"

My daughter looked at me both with pity and aggravation. "No, Mom!" she firmly responded while she lifted my purse off of her lap. "You put your purse on my DOUGHNUT!" and there sitting on her lap was a now squished Atkins Farms apple cider doughnut.

So away we go...